me: hi i'd like to order sweet and sour chicken, some beef frie-
chinese restaurant: do u want egg roll
me: i didn't even finish my order
chinese restaurant: *to the chef* Zhīfáng měiguó xīwàng dàn juǎn
me: what
when somebody actually texts me first and wants to hang out
(Source: mannysantosisgonnabefamous, via unescapable)
dad: you're up early
me:
dad: you never went to sleep did you
me:
dad: you never went to sleep did you
when you’re singing really loud and someone walks in and you just kind of
(via fake-mermaid)
why do i still have to go to school i thought slavery was abolished in 1865
first of all, who allowed me on the internet
(Source: absoluutebliss, via joshniqqa)
coming out to your parents by saying swiggity swag guess whos a fag
